Chapter 5. Further Discussions on the “Relational stress” (4)

The idea of the relational stress shares some nature with the basic fault proposed by Balint. Relational stress is experienced when there is some covert miscommunication due to the difference of perception and sensitivity among them. When stressed out in a relationship, the crystal formation of the child’s mind gets some irregularity which then grows further, and the dissociative process would ensure.
Where does hate toward mothers come from?
Let us stop and think for a while. Why do some child and her mother hate each other so much? Especially a daughters’ hatred toward her mother can be very harsh and persistent. Compared to that, mother’s hatered toward her daughter is usually nothing but serious. The daughter’s hatered toward her parents can be retroactive; she remembers her parents’ deeds and remarks in her childhood and gets angry with them. It can be really a tragedy for the parents who might have toiled so hard on rearing their child. They did what seems to be best for their child who is typically very docile and compliant at least on an appearence.
What we need to focus on is a possibility that while child-parent-relationship seems to be going very smooth, there could be a stressful interaction going on that can trigger a development of dissociative pathology if a child has a high dissociative tendency.
Often the child feels helpless, unable to express his or her emortion and is at the mercy of his parent’s capricious decision making. Often the parents ignore their chilren’s own feeling and assume that their child may feel the same way as them. Even if there is no overt abuse, the child might be chronically stressed out by the misunderstanding of their parents. Child is deeply hurt when ignored and misunderstood, even more so by someone that he knows well, rather than by a stranger.
This can be a very irrational situation for the parents. The child comes to this world without permission and then demands hundred percent of care, without being grateful enough. Sometimes the parent feels like yelling at their child or ignore him out of frustrartion, and this can be already a serious traumatic stress for him.